Hello and Welcome to the RUUUUMBLE.
We, at "We still haven't thought of a name but we will pretty soon, I'm sure", are really proud to present to you this alpha of a pre-footage of this game.
Since time was of the essence, and we are actually pretty bad, I have to explain the lore and the controls for you to enjoy this ... thing.
It all started with a disease. Color blindness. The soviets where as usual fighting over their cause of communism and BLA BLA BLA when, probably due to the bad quality of their zucchinis crops, half of them became color blind. The ones that weren't affected by this plague, knew that they were in truth the true reds. But, those who couldn't escape the infection, suddenly thought they were being attacked by a bunch of drunken wild otters loving ecologists wearing green. And, since conspiracy theory goes very well with huge alcool consumption, they started to believe that the ennemy tainted all their uniforms in GREEN to fool them into joining their army.
So the diseased, got all new uniforms, RED for them, but GREEN for the sanes and started taking their country "back" (remember, it was never stolen but hey...).
The war went on for a while and was pretty much a stalemate. Both sides had no more military factories and resources in the whole country where getting scarce.
So like every good human beings, our two factions, started drinking more and more, developping such a high level of alcoolemy that they slowly turned into ticking drunken time bombs. The smallest fluctuation in the balance their body hardily manage to keep could set up a CHAIN REACTION of the most DEVASTATING EFFECT. The leaders, seeing the advantage of having a shitton of drunken flammable and explosive brawlers, thought at the same time that it would be a good strategy to finally crush their ennemies headquarters who are in a castle.
Since every story needs some romance, Helenska the Troïanska lives in the green castle and Juliettsky cyka Romeosko in the red one. Of course you can save them (DLC incoming).
HOW YOU SHOULD PLAY :
You need to be two behind one computer. Or you can play with yourself, but I'm pretty sure that you can have more fun handling something else than a mouse if you're alone. Each player will play his turn and then he shall click on the end turn button purposely put in a glorious lower right position. Every player should use the 10 zucchinis he receives every turn to spawn soldiers for his divine army. Every player should try to outmanoeuver his adversary with the movements his units can heroically do each turn. And last but not least, try setting up a CHAIN REACTION of DOOM to blow up not only all his ennemies but, a man can dream, also the castle.
Click on the castle to see the list of units you can spawn, select the one you want and click on a tile to spawn it there. At the time of today you can spawn it where you want on the map, but try to be fair and arrange with your opponent for some ground rules or get punched in the face acting like the cheap bastard you are deep down.
Select a unit by left-clicking on it. You will magically see every tile she can go to be decorated with some kind of angelic halo. Right click on one of those tiles to move the unit there. You don't have to do all your moves in one go, you can act cautiously and take a step by step approach. When you feel ready, select a unit and hit the detonate button (you should yell your battlecry at this point). A set number of turns later, this unit will explode and will damage everything (including your guys) around it. And rocks too.
Yeah rocks explodes. rock is metal. hehehehehehe.
And enjoy the music. It was made for ya.
Sounds good right ? BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE IN A NOT SO DISTANT FUTURE (soon™).
-Tech treeeeeeeees. We love trees right ?
-Voice acting. From the worldly renowned Matt Dirty, bass player of the Wankers™
-Other units than grunts. Grunts are cool, but diversity is even cooler.
-Explosion and FX sounds. Home and voicemade.
-We spawn vodkas, but you can't use them now. You will soon™
-otters are supposed to pop on the map. we have the sprite ready somewhere I think...
-and many others stuff we can think of as we go.
Keep the EPIC in you, go big or go home.
PS : EVERY GAME IS DIFFERENT. WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY AND NOW YOU CAN USE IT, ROCKS ARE SO FUN AND UNPREDICTABLES. THEY SPAWN WHERE THEY WANT WITH EACH GAME YOU PLAY BUT ALWAYS IN A BALANCED FOR BOTH PLAYERS MANNER. Aren't we too nice ? Naaaah, you deserve it <3